One Party Ending

I want the mid of january

I kinda don’t like the end of the year, especifically because of the celebrations. It seems to be a feeling yet in development, as when I was a kid I don’t remember disliking them so much - but I hardly remember them at all anyway. My conclusion to why it’s this way is very simple: as we grow up the views we get from reality change. I reenformed my parents in a way that their flaws were solid, palpable enough for me to be hurt by them profoundly.

The next thing I did was to question my previous beliefs on everything. Not fantastic at all, everyone experiment that (I suppose). But it molded me differently than my family, and I took the part of being the stray cat that tried to mingle. Not a wise decision, and I learned after loads of traumas the fact that I couldn’t try to be one of them: it offended me too much. They have distinct concepts on how to deal with life, society and, clearly, what I should be doing. As expected, dealing with them was not easy, and still isn’t. I conduct these relations with care, my attempt to protect myself strong enough with the space I created between us (and I did. Can’t have a conversation about anything real, any of my thoughts, with them). Sometimes I get depressive thinking I could do things another way, and I’m trying not to loose the thread of connection we have.

All of that relate to those hideous celebrations in the way that I’d like to spend them with four of my family members and, possibly, with friends - which never happens and will take some time to occur. There’s also all I think of Christmas and its meanings, along with the simbolic ending of a year. I’ve become a cetic and coudn’t care less about the degenerated cycle we created - seriously, the tradition is fucked up and I want to be less of a hypocritical (won’t deny I am, but I have to say I’m experiment lessening it).

That’s a part of it, of course. The whole thing must be giant and I just won’t look around it. I’ll continue to hate these holidays, I guess, until I don’t care.